On Hope

I have a particular perspective on hope that may not go over well with everyone. I use it sparingly to avoid disappointment. I simply cannot get my hopes up and have them dashed. Time after time, I've set my sights on some kind of progress and have had the rug pulled out from under me. It's not realistic anymore. That's why I say I have expectations, not hope. I try to be logical about it because it hurts too much to be let down. But, I've been at this for a while and have seen my share of disappointment. I didn't start out this way. At first, I was very hopeful and just excited to finally have a diagnosis. Now I feel like I have to be realistic. It took time to get here. It's not for everyone, I know. But, now I can be completely compliant with very, very complicated treatment protocols without being hopeful. That isn't something everyone can do. Compliance with treatment is key and some people simply cannot do it without hope. I respect other people's perspectives and needs when it comes to illness. Some people do very well with hope. I do not.